~ Christie's mom: The idea for this post/interview was to have helpful 'how-to' advice for carrying on or starting a conversation with an Aspie teen. It did not go as planned. ~
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Mom: I want you to pretend that you're stuck riding in the car with someone you don't know very well. Pretend that I am that person. And I want to have a conversation with you to break up the silence.
Mom: So, the person might say... What did you do this summer? (an example of a type of question to avoid- it's too broad)
Christie: I don't know.
Mom: OK... How's school going? (and another)
Christie: Good.
Mom: What if I said: What do you like to do on the weekends? (this one's bad too)
Christie: Stuff.
Mom: Do you have any hobbies? (still too broad--should've asked "What are your hobbies?")
Christie: Sure.
Mom: OK. Now let me ask you some other types of questions: (more specific, catering to her interests. These are going to get great response!)
Mom: So I hear you're into animals. Do you have a favorite type of animal?
Christie: I like birds.
Mom: What kind of birds?
Christie: All birds.
Mom: Have you liked birds for a long time?
Christie: Since forever.
Mom: Do you remember when you started liking birds?
Christie: No.
Mom: You've got to play along here!
Christie: I am playing along! I don't remember!
Mom: What are your three favorite birds? Like if you could touch 3 birds right now, which ones would they be?
Christie: Touch them?
Mom: *Sigh* Instantly -poof- you'd have 3 birds right in front of you to look at.
Christie: But how would I feed them?
Mom: You would not have to feed them, you'd just look at them!
Christie: What if they flipped out and started flying everywhere? Are they tame?
Mom: I am asking you, "WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 3 FAVORITE BIRDS"?
Christie: My top 3 favorite birds change all the time.
Mom: Well, what are they right NOW??
Christie: Ummm.
Mom: Speak up, I can't hear you.
Christie: I'm saying 'Ummm".
Christie: I don't know, I guess I don't have a particular favorite right now.
Mom: *Sigh* Really? How about your plastic animals? How many do you have?
Christie: A Lot.
*silence*
Mom: OK. Ahh, Umm, Crap! This is going nowhere fast.
Mom: Are you into ocean animals?
Christie: Yeah.
*silence*
Mom: Are you trying to be difficult???
Christie: No, I'm just pretending you're a person I don't know very well, like you told me to!!!
Mom: OH! You're doing so well with that! OK, Alright, well, so, uh, gosh... This is brutal!
Mom: What's the coolest animal species that you've heard of, one I wouldn't know about?
Christie: *Pause* But I wouldn't know what you don't know about.
Mom: *Losing patience* Something that your average person would not have access information to about. That's two prepositions together. At the end of the sentence.
Mom: Like something exotic!
Christie: *Yawn. Followed by longer pause* A moa.
Mom: A moa? What is that? I've never heard of that.
Christie: It's a giant extinct bird. From New Zealand.
Mom: How long ago did it become extinct?
Christie: Centuries.
Mom: *trying to aggravate her now* Do you have a boyfriend?
Christie: The hair lady always asks me that and it makes me really uncomfortable.
Mom: The hair cut lady?
Christie: Hair people in general. It's like STOP. What kind of a tramp do you think I am?
Mom: OK... What would you rather have them ask you?
Christie: Nothing. I don't want to talk to the hair cut person.
Mom: Do you want to talk to ANYbody?
Christie: No.
Mom: So you are saying that if you're stuck in the car with someone for an hour, or more -- not a complete stranger, but a relative maybe-- you'd rather have them be quiet the entire time and not talk to you?
Christie: It depends on how annoying their voice is.
Mom: *Sigh*
Christie: I can handle a dude's voice longer than a chick's voice.
Mom: I talk to you all the time and I have a really annoying voice!
Christie: *laughs* Well, I guess I'm just used to it.
Mom: You must be. This didn't go as I planned, so, I guess I would have to say, to anyone who is stuck in the car with you and wants to have a conversation, you might have a difficult go of it.
Mom: The end. By the way, I taped that.
Christie: Was that taped? Noooo!
Mom: That was the blog post!!!
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~ The brilliant advice was supposed to be this: When asking your Aspie questions, steer clear of small talk, or very broad questions. Instead, try to ask specific questions that include topics you know are interesting to them. Then keep asking follow up questions.
My new advice to you is: This may not work at all, but it's always worth a try. if you get a response, great! If not, it is not a reflection on you, or your ability to be an interesting person. It's OK to sit in silence. ~
And they really don't appreciate you trying to talka bout something you really no nothing about!
Posted by: Candace | 01/14/2014 at 06:44 AM
Lol. I love the new advice :)
Posted by: novamom | 01/14/2014 at 07:50 PM