Laughing With Aspergers

Social Skills: Small Talk

Small talk can seem meaningless. Like the smallest of the talks.

And sometimes you just don't care about the small thing the other person is talking about. 

But you have to think about small talk as a warm up to a conversation. Like the beginning that gets you to the middle where you get to talk about more interesting things.

If you do not warm up with small talk, then you can overwhelm someone with your topic and enthusiasm. 

You don't want to startle people by just blurting out a topic. 

So, when you are just meeting someone or don't know them very well, you start with small talk to warm up the conversation. Usually a basic question you can ask anyone. 

Where are you from?  What are you doing this weekend? 

 

Then you learn a little about their weekend and then about them. 

And then you move into talk about interests or things or ideas that you might have in common. Then the conversation is warmed up and to the more interesting part. Hopefully. 

 

In all honestly, I don't do this well. I wasn't even sure about the sequence of these events as we wrote the blog. But I do kinda my own version of this with people I know. I usually have a topic I already want to talk about. But instead of launching into that topic, I ask a question that is related to the topic. Like if I want to talk about characters from a movie, I might ask someone's opinion about certain types of movies or characters. Then I listen. Then we eventually get to talk about my topic. On the way to my topic, the other person may some some interesting things. 

But then again, I don't meet a whole lot of new people. So I guess I'll have to use smaller talk for that.

Asperger's in the News: Man Diagnosed at 42

 

Chris Goodchild was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 42. He spoke to the BBC about how it affects his life.

We have noticed more articles about Autism/Asperger's Syndrome in the news lately. I thought this story was interesting about how this man dealt with stuff.

I made lists like he does a while back until I could just go with the program and I got rid of my lists. But if I were a grown up, I'd probably need more lists. It was kinda funny to see how he would just push his notes behind the book shelf. 

He talks about shutting down when he is around lots of people and noise after a while. I don't do that so much as get frustrated because all the noise keeps me from thinking about what I want to think about or what I need to think about in that moment.

I don't know how I would feel about not having my Asperger's verified until I was 42. It would depend on various factors. I've known I had Asperger's since I was like 5, so I can't really even think of what it is like not to know. I don't even know if it is a relief to know because I don't know anything different.

I have never read about or heard about someone with Asperger's who sounded just like me. I think everyone is different whether you have Aspeger's or not. Technically, I don't know how other people feel, so I am guessing...

Traveling with Aspergers: An Aspie in Rome, Italy

 A million years ago we went to Rome. And now I have to blog about it. If you want to skip to the end of the post, I talk about having an argument with my parents in the middle of Rome.

Before our big trip, my mom asked what we each wanted to do while in Italy. We came up with: ride on a gondola, eat pizza and stand in the Colosseum. 

Travel Tip #61: Make a list of important things to each person before a big trip. And then try to do them.

So there was scaffolding around the Colosseum, naturally.

Travel Tip #62: Sign up for the private basement tour of the Roman Colosseum. It is the best way to see stuff with the least amount of people.

All those other people are in a different middle area than we were. The tour was "private" which meant there were like 20 other people with us. But at least we could see stuff and hear our tour guide. 

My brother, Alex, and me in the kinda gated off area in the middle level of the Colosseum. This part was for the private tours.

Bored. Waiting for the tour to move on. But a good picture to see how we were not part of the huge crowds. 

A cross in the place where so many Christians were killed. It was interesting to look up when they put up this cross once we got home.

Travel Tip #64: Take a picture of something cool and Wikipedia it when you get home.

Part of the basement where they kept animals and Gladiators hung out. This area hasn't been open that long. So it was cool to see things people have not seen or touched in, like, a 100's of years.

Out tour included going up to the upper level of the Colosseum, too. There were no crowds up there.

Max, in what looks like a pizza oven on the top part of the Colosseum.

You can see a lot of Rome from up there. Like the Arch of Constantine wrapped in scaffolding.

Max loved the little places selling stuff outside the Colosseum. He wanted to buy this helmet for $100. Mom convinced him we could not carry it on the airplane. 

Travel Tip #65: Somethings are special when you get them on a trip. But somethings you can buy on Amazon when you get home for half the price. 

We saw other stuff. Like the Vatican & scaffolding. BIG line. We got gelato instead of going in there.

We also got on the cheapest tour bus.

Travel Tip #66: Sometimes there is a reason why one tour bus company is the cheapest. It is also the worst. Headphones dis not work and they just told us the Trevi Fountain was over there instead of driving us to see it.

More fun signs at the Rome train station. I am pretty sure this tells you to use this portal into another dimension in an emergency.

And this is the part where I got into an argument with my parents: 

The Colosseum was good. But the train ride there and spending a lot of time on the tour and then the bad tour bus and then lunch in a crowded restaurant AND THEN the Vatican...It was too much. I got upset. Like exhausted upset. I needed a break. I told my mom that I thought she was selfish for making me do all these things on the trip. She listened to me go on and on. 

Then she said that she was a little bit selfish because it was a trip she dreamed about going on and she never asked me if I wanted to go. But then she said that it wouldn't have been the trip of her dreams if she  stood in the Colosseum without me. I was part of her dream trip. 

And then I felt kinda bad for calling her selfish and getting upset. But it felt good for my parents to listen to me that this was not my idea of an amazing trip. It was too long for me to travel. It is hard to be grateful when you are worn out. I kinda got over being annoyed the rest of the trip once we got to talk about it. 

Back on the train to leave.

By David and family 

 

Travel Tips 1-9  Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Paris

Travel Tips 10-16  Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Florence

Travel Tips 17-22  Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Venice

Travel Tip 23   Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie Almost in Dubrovnik, Croatia

Travel Tips 24-37 Traveiling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Athens, Greece

Travel Tips 38-44 Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Ephesus, Turkey

Travel Tips 45-52 Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Philadelphia, PA

 

Travel Tips 54-60 Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Messina, Sicily

New Year's Resolutions

I draw every day. I need to draw more. And actually show my drawings to people. Most of them I draw and then throw away later. 

I like my alone time. But I like to be around people. Not all people or all the time or lots of them. But I want to do more things out in the world with people. Just because I like to be alone some does not mean I always want to be alone. 

I know this is not polite. I want to do better at not saying things that will hurt people's feelings. 

Do you have any resolutions? Anything you want to get better at doing? Or not doing?

The best adventures are the ones where you don't die: The Hobbit and Asperger's

Our family is re-watching The Hobbit movies this week before we go and see the third Hobbit movie on Thursday. We all like the part where he yells, "I'm going on an adventure!" When I hear the word "Adventure" I mostly think of positive things. 

The best adventures are the ones where you don't actually get killed. Not getting killed is a preferable adventure.

Travel is an adventure. Like a good one to Europe. Mostly to England. All the cool stuff is in England or Japan. 

Japan has such interesting mythologies, history and is the birthplace of anime and cool computer games.

Traveling around the United States with my friends to see various monuments and stuff - assuming we dont' have to wait hours just to see it - would be a cool adventure.  Mt. Rushmore would be pretty cool to look at or that famous water fall thing.  (Niagara Falls). 

Playing a really good RPG (Role Playing Game) would be nice. It would be the most do-able adventure right now.  A final fantasy game would be fun. I mean, adventure at home is nice.

There are some less good adventures - like going on a long and kinda miserable trip anywhere with lots of line waiting and lots of fights, little sleep, lack of interesting things to see.

I've been on a bad adventure. It was that month long trip we took last year. But the cheeseburgers we had on the ship were good. So it wasn't all bad. 

I think of adventures as traveling to places. I don't like traveling often. 

Not like lots of trips in a row.

If I could pick any place to travel to next I'd like to visit my grandparents.

Another country, if I had to choose a far away place, I'd choose the aforementioned England or Japan. I'd probalby want to stay in England longer than Japan because it is more closely related to American culture and most people there speak English and I think I can adjust to it more easily than other places. 

My parents said we might go to England when Alex (my brother) and I graduate from High School. That sounds like a good adventure. Assuming we don't die. 

Asperger's things that get easier: Caring about what other people care about

 Mom: David, I have noticed you seem to care more about about other people's opinions and ideas more than you used to.

David: Yeah. I noticed that too.

Mom: Like when you came into the kitchen and said, "I've been meaning to ask you if you were more into Star Wars or Star Trek?"

David: Yeah. 

Mom: And then when you went and painted ornaments this year for Grandma and Nana, you really considered each ornament and worked really hard at doing a good job on each one because they were gifts instead of rushing through it just to be done. 

Have you noticed this? 

David: I have. I think some of my interest in other people's ideas comes from getting really into reading reviews about movies and TV shows and books. I like hearing other people's opinions on the topics I am researching.  I think that makes me want to ask people what they think more than it used to. 

Mom: And the ornaments?

David: I wanted to give them something nice.

Mom: So do you think part of caring more is just getting older? 

David: Probably so.

Social Skills: Take manners to the next level when talking to guests

This is based on a true story.

 

I was in my room and heard whistling. Whistling is very very annoying to me. 

It continued and I got pretty annoyed even though I was in my room with the door closed.

It kept going on and on. And I got more and more annoyed. 

(Mom - I would call it stressed.)

So I walked to downstairs to my parent's friend and said...

And then I walked away because the whistling stopped.

Now, my parent's friend found my response humorous. I guess because I was pretty direct and they know about my sound "issues." He wasn't offended. 

But my mom said this was a good example of how to talk to family members vs. guests. Family members get direct conversation with politeness if you can make it happen. Guests, apparently, get extra politeness even if you are severely annoyed. 

I mean, I thought I was doing everything right because I could have done a lot of worse things, like yelling, to get the person to stop whistling. 

So here are some better responses:

O.k, it was really singing. I was trying to pretend it was whistling but it was singing which is kinda worse. Even though the guy was a good singer and all. 

#1  I could have left out the criticism of his whistling/singing by not calling it annoying. 

(Mom: And maybe leave out the fact it was bothering you. You can always politely ask someone to stop doing something and you do not have to give a reason.)

#2 I could have tried to override the sound by putting on my headphones and listening to music or a podcast or a movie or something. In my room. With the door closed. 

#3 I could have just tried to wait it out in my room by smothering my ears with pillows. But I kinda needed it to end right away. So this is a last resort sort of thing.

(Mom: As I tried to explain to David that he could have assumed that the whistling/singing would be of short duration, I realized that if someone were creating a really stress filled, annoying noise for me -like fingernails on a chalk board -  I would not care about the duration. I would just want it to stop right away. So the fact that he tried his best to ask someone to stop was great. Even if it was at Bible study...when he was talking to our minister...who used to be in a "whistling" group....)

OKAY...it was singing. Not whistling. But still, please stop. Everybody.

"Hey, look at my phone!"

 

Before: "Hey, look at how small my phone is! So cool."

Now: "Hey, look at how big my phone is! So cool."

 

In related news: I now have a phone. I don't need one. But my Dad got a new one so that means my mom got his old one and I got her old one. I was told it will help me with "phone skills in the modern world." 

I mean, I doubt I am the only 17 year old who does not have a phone. Or want one.

My brother Alex has a phone. But I mostly see him look things up on it (I would use the computer for that) or use it as a reminder for things. I don't really have things I care to be reminded about. 

And my mom texts Alex if she is gone to make sure we are all o.k. Like every 15 minutes. And then she texts him things to do like let the dogs out or unload the dishwasher. So I pretty much don't want or need a phone. But now I have one. 

Um, yea...I guess....

Traveling with Asperger's: Time Buffers

 

Me in my "Buffer Ball." (Which isn't a real thing I have or use but kinda a great idea...)

 

buff·er  /ˈbəfər/

noun  1:  any of various devices or pieces of material for reducing shock or damage due to contact

 

I need buffers between me and things that antagonize me. Like my mom is my buffer when my brother Max starts singing or whistling or drumming in the car. Alex helps to buffer when we are out at loud places. I use my headphones to help buffer the noise on planes. 

 

I like buffers. I need buffers.

 

I also need time buffers when I am traveling. I need time to chill out on my own after being in the car with my family, even though they aren't loud or anything. I need plenty of warning before we do something and chill out time after it is over. I especially need that on a trip. 

 

Traveling is already highly stressful for me. Everything is different and not in my control. I kinda don't like traveling much. At all. We usually have a buffer day after we get home from a trip. Even like a 2 day trip means we have a whole day to chill out before we start back doing real life stuff. I need it to feel like me again. To be able to think straight and hear what people are telling me. 

 

So our trips are sometimes shorter than they could be so that my family has a buffer day. Kinda like a vacation after the vacation. 

 

"Buffer up, it is going to be a bumpy ride."

Caption This #20 Thanksgiving Edition

Caption This:

Also, Happy Thanksgiving.