Laughing With Aspergers

Traveling with Aspergers: An Aspie in Rome, Italy

 A million years ago we went to Rome. And now I have to blog about it. If you want to skip to the end of the post, I talk about having an argument with my parents in the middle of Rome.

Before our big trip, my mom asked what we each wanted to do while in Italy. We came up with: ride on a gondola, eat pizza and stand in the Colosseum. 

Travel Tip #61: Make a list of important things to each person before a big trip. And then try to do them.

So there was scaffolding around the Colosseum, naturally.

Travel Tip #62: Sign up for the private basement tour of the Roman Colosseum. It is the best way to see stuff with the least amount of people.

All those other people are in a different middle area than we were. The tour was "private" which meant there were like 20 other people with us. But at least we could see stuff and hear our tour guide. 

My brother, Alex, and me in the kinda gated off area in the middle level of the Colosseum. This part was for the private tours.

Bored. Waiting for the tour to move on. But a good picture to see how we were not part of the huge crowds. 

A cross in the place where so many Christians were killed. It was interesting to look up when they put up this cross once we got home.

Travel Tip #64: Take a picture of something cool and Wikipedia it when you get home.

Part of the basement where they kept animals and Gladiators hung out. This area hasn't been open that long. So it was cool to see things people have not seen or touched in, like, a 100's of years.

Out tour included going up to the upper level of the Colosseum, too. There were no crowds up there.

Max, in what looks like a pizza oven on the top part of the Colosseum.

You can see a lot of Rome from up there. Like the Arch of Constantine wrapped in scaffolding.

Max loved the little places selling stuff outside the Colosseum. He wanted to buy this helmet for $100. Mom convinced him we could not carry it on the airplane. 

Travel Tip #65: Somethings are special when you get them on a trip. But somethings you can buy on Amazon when you get home for half the price. 

We saw other stuff. Like the Vatican & scaffolding. BIG line. We got gelato instead of going in there.

We also got on the cheapest tour bus.

Travel Tip #66: Sometimes there is a reason why one tour bus company is the cheapest. It is also the worst. Headphones dis not work and they just told us the Trevi Fountain was over there instead of driving us to see it.

More fun signs at the Rome train station. I am pretty sure this tells you to use this portal into another dimension in an emergency.

And this is the part where I got into an argument with my parents: 

The Colosseum was good. But the train ride there and spending a lot of time on the tour and then the bad tour bus and then lunch in a crowded restaurant AND THEN the Vatican...It was too much. I got upset. Like exhausted upset. I needed a break. I told my mom that I thought she was selfish for making me do all these things on the trip. She listened to me go on and on. 

Then she said that she was a little bit selfish because it was a trip she dreamed about going on and she never asked me if I wanted to go. But then she said that it wouldn't have been the trip of her dreams if she  stood in the Colosseum without me. I was part of her dream trip. 

And then I felt kinda bad for calling her selfish and getting upset. But it felt good for my parents to listen to me that this was not my idea of an amazing trip. It was too long for me to travel. It is hard to be grateful when you are worn out. I kinda got over being annoyed the rest of the trip once we got to talk about it. 

Back on the train to leave.

By David and family 

 

Travel Tips 1-9  Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Paris

Travel Tips 10-16  Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Florence

Travel Tips 17-22  Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Venice

Travel Tip 23   Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie Almost in Dubrovnik, Croatia

Travel Tips 24-37 Traveiling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Athens, Greece

Travel Tips 38-44 Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Ephesus, Turkey

Travel Tips 45-52 Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Philadelphia, PA

 

Travel Tips 54-60 Traveling with Asperger's: An Aspie in Messina, Sicily

The best adventures are the ones where you don't die: The Hobbit and Asperger's

Our family is re-watching The Hobbit movies this week before we go and see the third Hobbit movie on Thursday. We all like the part where he yells, "I'm going on an adventure!" When I hear the word "Adventure" I mostly think of positive things. 

The best adventures are the ones where you don't actually get killed. Not getting killed is a preferable adventure.

Travel is an adventure. Like a good one to Europe. Mostly to England. All the cool stuff is in England or Japan. 

Japan has such interesting mythologies, history and is the birthplace of anime and cool computer games.

Traveling around the United States with my friends to see various monuments and stuff - assuming we dont' have to wait hours just to see it - would be a cool adventure.  Mt. Rushmore would be pretty cool to look at or that famous water fall thing.  (Niagara Falls). 

Playing a really good RPG (Role Playing Game) would be nice. It would be the most do-able adventure right now.  A final fantasy game would be fun. I mean, adventure at home is nice.

There are some less good adventures - like going on a long and kinda miserable trip anywhere with lots of line waiting and lots of fights, little sleep, lack of interesting things to see.

I've been on a bad adventure. It was that month long trip we took last year. But the cheeseburgers we had on the ship were good. So it wasn't all bad. 

I think of adventures as traveling to places. I don't like traveling often. 

Not like lots of trips in a row.

If I could pick any place to travel to next I'd like to visit my grandparents.

Another country, if I had to choose a far away place, I'd choose the aforementioned England or Japan. I'd probalby want to stay in England longer than Japan because it is more closely related to American culture and most people there speak English and I think I can adjust to it more easily than other places. 

My parents said we might go to England when Alex (my brother) and I graduate from High School. That sounds like a good adventure. Assuming we don't die. 

Asperger's things that get easier: Caring about what other people care about

 Mom: David, I have noticed you seem to care more about about other people's opinions and ideas more than you used to.

David: Yeah. I noticed that too.

Mom: Like when you came into the kitchen and said, "I've been meaning to ask you if you were more into Star Wars or Star Trek?"

David: Yeah. 

Mom: And then when you went and painted ornaments this year for Grandma and Nana, you really considered each ornament and worked really hard at doing a good job on each one because they were gifts instead of rushing through it just to be done. 

Have you noticed this? 

David: I have. I think some of my interest in other people's ideas comes from getting really into reading reviews about movies and TV shows and books. I like hearing other people's opinions on the topics I am researching.  I think that makes me want to ask people what they think more than it used to. 

Mom: And the ornaments?

David: I wanted to give them something nice.

Mom: So do you think part of caring more is just getting older? 

David: Probably so.

Social Skills: Take manners to the next level when talking to guests

This is based on a true story.

 

I was in my room and heard whistling. Whistling is very very annoying to me. 

It continued and I got pretty annoyed even though I was in my room with the door closed.

It kept going on and on. And I got more and more annoyed. 

(Mom - I would call it stressed.)

So I walked to downstairs to my parent's friend and said...

And then I walked away because the whistling stopped.

Now, my parent's friend found my response humorous. I guess because I was pretty direct and they know about my sound "issues." He wasn't offended. 

But my mom said this was a good example of how to talk to family members vs. guests. Family members get direct conversation with politeness if you can make it happen. Guests, apparently, get extra politeness even if you are severely annoyed. 

I mean, I thought I was doing everything right because I could have done a lot of worse things, like yelling, to get the person to stop whistling. 

So here are some better responses:

O.k, it was really singing. I was trying to pretend it was whistling but it was singing which is kinda worse. Even though the guy was a good singer and all. 

#1  I could have left out the criticism of his whistling/singing by not calling it annoying. 

(Mom: And maybe leave out the fact it was bothering you. You can always politely ask someone to stop doing something and you do not have to give a reason.)

#2 I could have tried to override the sound by putting on my headphones and listening to music or a podcast or a movie or something. In my room. With the door closed. 

#3 I could have just tried to wait it out in my room by smothering my ears with pillows. But I kinda needed it to end right away. So this is a last resort sort of thing.

(Mom: As I tried to explain to David that he could have assumed that the whistling/singing would be of short duration, I realized that if someone were creating a really stress filled, annoying noise for me -like fingernails on a chalk board -  I would not care about the duration. I would just want it to stop right away. So the fact that he tried his best to ask someone to stop was great. Even if it was at Bible study...when he was talking to our minister...who used to be in a "whistling" group....)

OKAY...it was singing. Not whistling. But still, please stop. Everybody.

Traveling with Asperger's: Time Buffers

 

Me in my "Buffer Ball." (Which isn't a real thing I have or use but kinda a great idea...)

 

buff·er  /ˈbəfər/

noun  1:  any of various devices or pieces of material for reducing shock or damage due to contact

 

I need buffers between me and things that antagonize me. Like my mom is my buffer when my brother Max starts singing or whistling or drumming in the car. Alex helps to buffer when we are out at loud places. I use my headphones to help buffer the noise on planes. 

 

I like buffers. I need buffers.

 

I also need time buffers when I am traveling. I need time to chill out on my own after being in the car with my family, even though they aren't loud or anything. I need plenty of warning before we do something and chill out time after it is over. I especially need that on a trip. 

 

Traveling is already highly stressful for me. Everything is different and not in my control. I kinda don't like traveling much. At all. We usually have a buffer day after we get home from a trip. Even like a 2 day trip means we have a whole day to chill out before we start back doing real life stuff. I need it to feel like me again. To be able to think straight and hear what people are telling me. 

 

So our trips are sometimes shorter than they could be so that my family has a buffer day. Kinda like a vacation after the vacation. 

 

"Buffer up, it is going to be a bumpy ride."

Asperger's Syndrome and Christmas: The Advent Calendar

David - Lots of people have advent calendars. This is ours. It is a lot of little socks counting down the days until Christmas. Mom started this for me when I was 4 to help me see how many days were left until Christmas.

Mom - Not knowing exactly what would be happening each day, different schedules, visitors and trips all caused stress for David instead of being exciting and fun. 

David - She used to put little candy or a note telling us we would make cookies or go see a movie or a bouncy ball in the stockings. Instead of worrying about long it was until Christmas, I just looked forward to each sock. 

Mom - Then we discovered Lego Advent Calendars and stopped using the little socks. The kids got older and it didn't seem to be a need anymore. We still used them as decorations until...

David - Until last year. She didn't put them up at all. About half way through December I told my mom I missed them. They were one of my favorite traditions. 

Mom - Whoops.

David - So today is December 1 and we have a tiny note reminding us to get out the Lego Star Wars Advent set. (I know, an advent set within an advent set.)  My brother's and I still get excited to see what is in each sock. And sometimes we will look at it first thing and sometimes we kinda forget until lunch. 

Also - These used to actually be our socks. Back when our socks were cute and small and didn't smell. Then mom made these out of felt. But there are only 24 of them because she made #21 three times and kept sewing the numbers on as a 12 instead of 21. (Dyslexia runs in our family, too.) She got mad at 21 and there has never been a stocking for that day since. 

Mom- The nice things about our "advent Calendar" is that we could just take it with us if we traveled any during December. It was very easy to take the ribbon with the remaining socks on it down and put into a suitcase. 

David: So that is a "helper" thing for Asperger's that turned into a family tradition that I hope we continue. 

I had to move out of my room for 3 days...

 

There were construction guys working on our house, specifically my bathroom, for 3 days last week.

I couldn't use my bathroom. You have to walk through my bedroom to get to my bathroom, so people were walking back and forth unannounced for 3 days. I moved to the basement.

I set up my command station with the things I needed: Movies, laptop, cookies, a drink, pillows, a blanket, my drawing book and pen. Oh, and my Transformers books. And a few Transformers.

I shared a room with my brother, Alex, when we were kids. That was ok. But the older I get, the more quiet space I need. The idea of someone just walking through my room, even family, makes me feel startled. Like I am thinking my own thoughts and then, bam, someone is there and talking or moving around. This did happen in the basement some, too. But at least I could hear people coming so it wasn't so much surprising as annoying. 

About 5 minutes after the construction guys left, I went to my room and went to sleep. 

Therapy Fail: Hula Hoops

 

 

I've been to a lot of therapies over the years. I don't know which ones have worked. You have to ask my mom about that. But a few did not work. Take the Hula Hoop = Personal Space therapy.

It isn't practical for real life. I mean, I don't carry around a hula hoop. And if I did, it would make me really stand out more. And really hard to get through doors.

 

And the hula hoop seems to be too movable when people get too close to me. I mean, shouldn't she be farther away? Like at least 2 half a hoops away? If you want to see hoops used unconventionally, give them to a bunch of kids who do not understand personal space. Or think of things in a regular kind of way.

And then there is this.

O.k. This never happened. But it could have. You never know. Hula hoops are dangerous. 

My point is this, not all therapy is for everybody. The hoop thing was not for me. But it was worth a try. My mom says we have to try until we find the things that work best. But it is o.k. to stop trying something if it definitely does not work. 

Some people call quitting being a quitter. Or you could call quitting something once you know it does not work the wise thing to do. 

Things that get easier: Looking people in the eye

It seems like I am looking people in the eye when I talk a little more lately. This is what my mom says.  Here is a series of photos that she took of me while I was sitting in the backseat of the car and talking about Transformers. (We were waiting for my brother and not driving, hence the lack of seat belt.)

I didn't really know that looking people in the eye was even a thing. I didn't realize looking at someone when I talked to them was the polite thing to do. 

Someone might have told me this when I was younger, but I do not really remember it. 

(Mom - Yes. You were told.)

Now I get it. 

Sometimes I look at people in the face when I talk to them based on how I am feeling or based on what I am talking about. I am pretty sure that I look at my family and friends' faces more when I talk to them than a stranger's because I feel more comfortable with them. I do not look at anyone in the face when I am talking about an idea I've been thinking about because I tend to pace when I talk about ideas. It is hard to look at someone when you do this unless they pace with you and then that would be weird. 

Sometimes, it can be distracting looking right at someone's face when they talk. But I try to do it because it is polite. And I know, looking someone in the eye is not the same thing as the face. My goal is the face. The eye is kinda intense sometimes....like looking into someone's soul.

I guess this is just one of those things that has gotten easier as I have gotten older. 

Trying Something New: I Bowled

I mean, I HAVE bowled before. But never a whole game. Or set. Or whatever you call it when you bowl all the times. So we went to a place called Stars and Strikes and it was good. 

In the past, I just lost interest in bowling after a few frames. I would stop bowling and talk to my friends or play a video game or do anything else other than keep bowling. At birthday parties and stuff, my Dad would kinda just take over bowling for me while I did something else after a few times. Usually, bowling happens at a birthday party where you have to wait a long time until it is your turn. Who can pay attention for that long?

This time I bowled the whole game because I knew it was just the one time. I knew it wasn't going to be a long. 

It was fine. 

There were kinda a lot of people at the bowling alley for the middle of the day. There were some older ladies who were really really good. Like with their own bowling balls, bags and bowling braces on their arms. And they kinda threw the ball and the pins kinda exploded all over the place. It was loud but o.k.

I liked the bowling, but I would not want to go once a week or anything. Maybe like every 3 weeks.

My mom says taking me places like this is "sensory therapy" - whatever that means. And the snacks were pretty good and worked with our horrible food diet we have right now. 

My form was not great. Kinda hunched back and almost letting the ball go the wrong direction. But I did o.k.

]

When It wasn't my turn to bowl, I read my Transformer's Comic book. I didn't realize it, but every time my mom tapped me on the shoulder to tell me it was my turn, I said (in a rather harsh tone), "What?!"

Mom said that each time she tapped me, it would mean that it was my turn to bowl. After she said that, I stopped asking why she was tapping me. I knew that a tap meant that it was my turn. 

This is my new Masterpiece Soundwave watching me bowl. My mom made him look like he is watching me. 

Afterwards, my brother's played video games and and I read for 20 minutes. Then we all rode the bumper cars. It was pretty good. A few years ago, I would have come home and been wiped out. This time I understood how long we would be there and felt ok when we got home.

Maybe that is expectations. Maybe that is just getting older. Either way, I bowled a whole game and would do it again.